Can You Improve This Advertisement? – A Direct Marketing Strategies Contest
One quick and easy way to hone your own marketing skills is to review other’s marketing and advertisement materials with the intent of trying to improve them so they follow the direct marketing strategies we all know and love.
Since often times we cannot see the glaring mistakes and areas for improvement in our own marketing because we’re too close to it, studying and dissecting other’s magazine ads, direct mail and web sites is “marketing mind exercise” and is typically a trait of marketing junkies like me and hopefully you.
To inspire you to take a few moments to exercise your marketing brain, I will randomly pick two different readers who leave their thoughtful suggestions below on how to use direct marketing strategies to improve this magazine ad for a local furniture retailer. The prize is a great little book, Mustard Seeds, Shovels and Mountains from the late, great Jim Straw.
So here’s the full page, ad agency-inspired ad for Oskar Huber furniture hear in the suburban Philadelphia area. You can click on it to enlarge.
In the Philadelphia-area, Oskar Huber has a long-time, deeply established and respected name and brand. They’re market is higher-end and they typically target a more affluent buyer. On a side note, last year’s Super Storm Sandy wiped out their Jersey Shore location, but I’ve heard they have rebuilt and are stronger than ever.
Interestingly, I know the owners of this local business. They’ve done a consulting day with me and one of the owner’s was part of the Glazer-Kennedy group I ran for five years. There’s a very good chance he’s reading this article and I hope he knows my intent is only to help my readers and his family’s efforts.
Looking at this ad, how would you use your knowledge of direct marketing strategies to improve it?
What design and layout changes would you suggest?
What copy changes would you suggest?
What offer changes would you suggest?
Leave your comments below and early next week, I will pick two random winners and send them a copy of Jim Straw’s book. I will also post a follow up article outlining a few of my suggested tweaks. Good luck!
1. Lacks Headline which could be something like: FREE FURNITURE GIVEAWAY
2. Light color text on dark background is hard to read. Small text size is also hard to read.
3. Furniture Giveaway is a good offer but it COULD be used to drive customers to website where they would give more details and required opt-in in order to receive coupon for redemption.
4. Lacks Testimonial
5. “Complimentary Design Service” could be emphasized and worded PROFESSIONAL DESIGN SERVICE $XXX Value, FREE
Hi Mike,
A couple of thoughts I have on improvement:
1) This ad is missing a clear call-to-action; directly below the “oskartoberfest” deals, there should be something like, “Come see us in either our Southampton, PA, or Ship Bottom, NJ store, or visit us online at http://www.oskarhuber.com”
2) I find the wording of the deals confusing. How do I get 10% in FREE furniture? Does it mean I get $50 off my $500 chair? Or does it mean I get 10% off the next thing I buy? Or does it mean I just get the leg of a side table, and I have to buy the rest of the thing (kidding)? The wording could be more clear.
3) The website address at the bottom is a little lost in the light-colored rug, so I would recommend making it more obvious with a darker color, or locating on a darker background.
If the owners do happen to read these, I hope they are helpful.
In my opinion this is a corporate branding ad, and not an ad for making any sales! This is just a pretty picture and will not generate many sales.
It lacks a benefit driven headline, and the offer is very weak too.
What is in it for me!
What should I do – where is the call to action. Tell me what to do!
Reversed-out copy is always a bad idea – difficult to read.
Unfortunately this is a typical Agency Ad that will not generate sales like a proper Direct Market Ad will – guaranteed!
Your message should be the hero and not the picture. Your picture and graphics are there to help and support your message. Lead the eye to where you want it to go.
Cheers
Riaan
Design Changes suggested: CHANGE FONT SIZE TO LARGER SIZE – font too small to read; CHANGE COLOR OF TYPE to black on WHITE background – as is now, the white on black background strains the eyes.
Copy Changes: Add A HEADLINE that makes me want to read the next sentence; COPY SHOULD ‘join conversation in client’s head’, not “All about My Company” lead sentences, such as how long we’ve been in business, we are the best etc. That is Me Marketing. Needs to answer What’s in it for me? if I read this ad does it grab my attention fast by addressing a problem I am having? this ad doesn’t.
Offer Changes: DO NOT DISCOUNT PRICE, but rather include additional item of high perceived value with purchase at different levels; CALL TO ACTION – It doesn’t lead/tell me what to do next – passive offer “here is our sale, ends on this date”. No urgency; CALL TO ACTION – difficult to read store location – do you want me to call, visit, go to website to buy online? Need to be told what to do next.
I would make it less “wordy”, leave the story of the company to a brochure they give in the store or on their website. Lighten it up, the ad is a bit dark to me, all browns & grays with on small splash of color on the couch. High-end doesn’t have to be dull.
Design: I found it hard to read the light/orange text combination on dark background (which turn lighter towards the bottom too).
Copy: I would add a stronger head line (offer / reason to continue reading / etc) that would entice people to continue reading. I found that the top text (above Oskartoberfest) was very generic and had no appeal to the “Oskartoberfest” event so maybe mention the time of the year, the holidays, the family coming for a visit.
Offer: I found the offer confusing. To me it does not sound as a discount but almost as if I would have to spend more. That is, if I spend $499, I will get $49 in free furniture. Is there anything I can even get for $49 at the store?
Other: This seems as if it is an in-store event. Unfortunately, the ad does not allow one to track ROI, phone is the direct store number and website is the direct website so no tracking there. There is also no requirement to bring the ad in order to get the offer.
“How To Have More Friends Over!”
Dear Friend,
Is your couch boring, uncomfortable, and the kind that gives you a sore back 5 minutes after you sit on it? Do those little spring things jam up and stick in your butt?
Do you visitors sit bolt upright like they’re in an electric chair the whole time they are with you, because the back of your couch is so straight and stiff that it gives them sore muscles a few minutes after they sit down?
Well worry no more! Those store bought run of the mill couches might do that, but not ours! Sure, other companies might churn out couches like battery hens churn out eggs, but our couches are special, and here’s why:
-we custom make each couch, just for you, just the way you like it, so you get the color YOU want, you don’t have to pick from a random selection of 10 shades from a color booklet they shove at you and give you ten seconds to answer.
-you get to choose the shape and design of your own couch, Go on, be a couch designer, you know you want to. You will do a fine job!! Design your own couch and dazzle your friends!!
-you get the benefit of 4 generations of couch designing experience. Yes, that’s right, our family couch designing business was stared 4 generations ago and is still going strong. If we weren’t any good at what we do, the business would have flopped after one generation, it wouldn’t still be going strong today.
-finally,and most importantly, we guarantee that this will be the most comfortable couch that you will ever own, or your money back.
Here is our guarantee to you:
“Invite 7 of your friends over and ask them to sit on your couch. If they don’t all agree that ours is the most comfortable couch they have ever sat on, we will give yo your money back, no questions asked”
For a limited time only, we have a very special offer for you:
“With every couch sold in October, we will give you a free party at your house so you can show off your new couch! We will provide you with food and drinks for you and 7 of your closest friends, plus a waiter to serve it all up, so all you and your friends have to do is sit on your couch and talk and nibble”
“Go Ahead, Make Your Couch”
Mike,
I am writing this w/o reading any of the other responses…
1. No captivating HEADLINE… most prominent thing upper left is Oskartoberfest. Nice play on words but useless as a headline to attract someone to read more
2. The offer seems a little but weak. 10% in FREE Furniture if you buy $499. 15%, 20% at higher levels. What does it mean to get 10% in free furniture? Do you get 10% off the $499 price? Or they give you $49.90 to spend on other stuff… which would be small like a lamp or something.
Thus the offer is confusing and also not that compelling. If marketing to the affluent and upscale people, does 10% off really attract the affluent?
3. Have a deadline. They have “now through October 28” so I suppose that is the deadline. I’d make it a stronger deadline like “Hurry, offer ends Midnight October 28th” or whatever time the store closes then
4. the main text of the ad is “all about them”… blah blah blah… we’ve been in business for a long time… blah blah … we offer these products… blah blah. None of that makes anyone want to come into the store.
5. I like the photo because it is attractive and eye catching. But I think there needs to be some happy people in it. I think studies prove that ads with people in them attract the eye a much higher rate. Who is their target avatar? If it is an upscale middle aged woman, then show an attractive one in the ad beaming at her new furniture. If target is upscale early 30s mom too busy to decorate but has money to spend, then show someone of that age and look.
6. BIGGEST BIGGEST MISTAKE: No lead generation at all! How about “Win a trip to St. Lucia – Register on our website now”…Or some other UPSCALE OFFER. It could be a night out in a limo and dinner at a really nice restaurant. Send them to a custom website just for the contest, not to their regular website. Thus you can track the response. After they fill out their information, you can send them to regular website to see pretty furniture. Once they fill that in, then there needs to be automatic email followups incentivizing them to come into the store. Collect mailing addresses and you are now BUILDING YOUR OWN LIST. You can then go to Rapleaf online and upload those contacts and buy their demographic info for CHEAP. Helps you build a more accurate “avatar” of your ideal customer.
Another Lead Gen offer: How about a “luxury preview evening” with wine and cheese… “exclusively” for your upscale clientele. Turns off those that don’t like that. Turns on those that like to be in “exclusive” groups like the “affluent”. For those that do it gets them into the store. Have a business that specializes in catering do it for free or low cost because “they will get leads for their services”.
7. The only thing indicating they cater to upscale is their “Style. Luxe. Life.” slogan. If catering to the affluent, they should have copy on there that attracts the affluent. Nothing in this ad does this. Needs better copy.
8. What about a testimonial or two? Hear from someone who has actually bought from them about how great they are. Preferably someone affluent that says “I just refurnished 4 rooms from them and it was a great experience. ” This indicates that the store is not for dropping by to get a $100 lamp. It’s for people who want to redecorate and can afford to do so. EVen better get a testimonial from a celebrity, even if just a local celeb like the mayor. Is there anyone famous who has bought from these people? Give em a free couch in return for a testimonial.
9. The address and phone are TINY. At least make the phone more prominent. I know they don’t want to muss up the pretty picture but anyone over 50 is starting to have trouble reading 8 point type.
9b. Are these the actual store phones? If so… WRONG! Need to use callfire.com or something similar to TRACK HOW MANY CALLS come from the ad. In addition, you can add a “whisper” note on the incoming call and forward to actual store phones. That whisper can say something like “Oskartoberfest ad” right before they are xferred. Then train whoever answers the phone to mention something in the ad… and set the context of the call… if for personal consultation then book that right then. Try to get contact info from those incoming calls. Put into CRM like infusion. Tag them by what ad they responded to.
10. A different offer to get into the store… we offer “Personal Shopping Consultants” who will discuss your specific needs and help you find those perfect pieces to decorate your home. Then offer to set a “Personal Appointment” to come in an have consultant consult with them. People with money are BUSY. They don’t want to drop by the store and stand there for 30 min waiting for some help. Even better, schedule a visit to client’s home to take photos of existing rooms they want to decorate. Discuss ideas at kitchen table.. then go back to the store with photos in hand on ipad and discuss colors an styles in the showroom. I bet you sell 90% of anyone that goes through this process.
OK I got to get back to my own work… Please have Oskar Huber send me a free couch or something when they implement all my ideas and get 27 times more sales out of it.
1. Place an attractive lady on the sofa admiring her finished work.
2.My copy would be Headline Heavy:
Express Yourself
Uplift Your Home & Your Family
FREE: Use Our Expert Designers Inspiration
Everyone will know “It’s All You!”
3. To the offer, “I would offer an hour of free consultation with our expert designers.” This would be in advance of the existing offers.
B L Francis
1. Most of the ad is difficult to read because of the small font size and font/background color combination.
2. No headline. “Oskartoberfest” is not a headline. It has no meaning, benefit to the reader. Maybe something like “Get Huge Savings on Quality Furniture During our Oskartoberfest Celebration!”
Plus, the headline should be at the top, not in the middle.
3. No call to action to lead readers
4. I think an added incentive or bonus would increase results, too
4. No proof element using testimonials
The biggest problem with the ad is that it dosen’t have a call to action.
Buyers want to be told what to do. The simple cure here would be to change…
“NOW through October 28th… and the three discount lines to say…
Come in today before the best stuff is gone. You can only get the following huge discounts until Oct 28th.
The second biggest problem with this ad is there is no list-building mechanism in the ad.
This means the only measurement of the ads success will be customers who buy and tell the clerk it was THIS ad that brought them in.
This is classic “brand” advertising and a waste of money because you can’t measure in real dollars what it produced and you have no way to follow up.
Again, the simple solution would be to have the discounts by coupon. Then have the reader go to the web site and register for the coupon. This gives you the prospect’s email and also tells you how many people looked at the offer — as you can track clicks to the site. Then you can see how many actually buy for another valuable stat!!!
If you ran this 6 times in a year you could end up with hundreds of prospects on your email list that you could now send this and other offers to directly, rather than hoping they see it in the paper or magazine.
This ad is a one shot pony, that completely misses the target.
These two things are the most important, I won’t make any comments on it, but the copy also stinks, it’s all platitudes. There’s not a compelling sentence in the whole ad.
Excellent points!
Nice job Tim. I am sure you reminded yourself of some key points when writing your response.
This looks like an ad from a magazine. It’s beautifully designed. BUT – not very effective from a direct response POV, as you’ve mentioned.
I would actually use this ad, as it is, to create a tear-sheet mailing. I’d enclose it in a #10 business envelope to my prospects with a personalized lift letter that expands on the details of the sale using direct response methods and invites them to come an hour or two early as a VIP guest where they can grab a complimentary coffee, tea or cocoa (Maybe with a German theme to pick up on Oktoberfest!) and browse with an extra 5% discount or something of that nature.
The reason I would do this is to showcase that STATUS. Remember, this is going to a higher income. By presenting it as a tear-sheet mailer, you give the impression that you’ve been published in a large magazine and the VIP invitation calls them out specifically, gives them a better reason to respond, and creates that “elite” feeling that resonates with the affluent.
This was fun, Mike – thanks!
Starting with the story of who they are means nothing to prospects until they see something that they want. Shorten it and use it later for support.
Lead with free design service – in large print – then explain why it is so good and such a value – could even put a ‘value on it”
Play up the feeling and pride of the grand design of their room or home.
Background is too dark – two rugs on floor look bad. especially a wrinkled one.
I don’t know if the discount or free furniture credit is off “suggested retail” or off their “normally competitive pricing” If off “retail” it is really no sale. Rounding off the numbers to 500 etc. will resonate better with their target group.
If this is a normally high end store providing an exceptional shopping experience the offer may be sufficient – If it is such a store that should be played up in the free design service part along with focusing on the satisfaction of the end result.
Design and Layout changes: For an upscale “Furniture and Design” retailer, I like the picture, composition, colors, materials of furniture and drapes, etc for Fall season. I like branding it as “Oskartoberfest”. The ad agency is probably using the picture as the “headline” to draw folks in to read the text. I assume it is an ad for a magazine, at least that is my perception at first glance. But there does seem to be a disconnect between picture as the headline and my getting to the text of the ad. My mind focuses on the sofa (center of the pic) and never gets to the top of the page. Therefore, maybe move the company name and address info to the top and move the sales copy to the bottom, under the sofa and enlarge the font. Add headline “Complimentary World Class Design Service during Oskartoberfest” above sales copy. Color of text may also need to change at that location, not sure how the light orange will appear on top of the light green rugs. (BTW, this would not work if the ad is online. Copy would then be below the fold.)
Copy changes: Too much about the company (history, what we do), not enough WIIFM. Talk to the homeowner…
As a discerning homeowner, you know us for providing the world’s best designed furniture. But did you know we also offer superior design services that are complimentary to you? Call TODAY and schedule your appointment with one of our certified design consultants and you will receive all our design services at no cost to you. From fabric swatches, to floor planning, design inspiration to delivery, your house will be transformed into the home of your dreams!
Offer changes: Tell the reader what to do, how to respond. add phone and location to CTA.
Call before October 28 and receive your free design consultation services PLUS
10% in FREE furniture with any purchase over $499
15% in FREE furniture with any purchase over $1499
20% in FREE furniture with any purchase over $2499
Call 215-355-4800 for our Southampton PA location or
Call 609-494-8127 for your Coastal Furnishing needs
Definitely… critiquing someone else’s ad or mail piece… helps me coalesce my own thoughts about things I should be doing in my business as well.
This would make the basis of a great direct mail piece!
Mike:
This is a great idea for your client—crowd sourcing for marketing ideas. I agree with most of the suggestions already made:
1. Print too small
2. Reverse font color illegible
3. Too much copy: if the store is already a well-respected high-end brand, then most of the copy is unnecessary. The name should speak for itself.
4. No call to action
5. Boring copy
6. No way to track responses
7. Confusing offer
8. Photo of person would give life to ad
Before I altered the ad, however, I’d want to know more about the type of furniture the store carries, as well as a profile of the target customer. This furniture looks very middle class to me—not at all high end. Is the company trying to appeal to people in their 50’s and 60’s, or couples in their 20’s and 30’s? Where is this ad going to be placed? Obviously not in Architectural Digest.
I’d like to see the woman in the ad sitting in a room that takes my breath away. This room screams ordinary—so much like all the rooms you see on the front page of catalogues like West Elm.
All higher end furniture houses have “designers” on staff. Having actually hired designers twice in the past and been disappointed, I would suggest that if the store actually has a designer with any awards or a famous client, an alternative ad would be to feature the designer. All custom furniture makers tout their furniture making expertise, but unless you’re going to show the construction in the ad (and I’ve seen furniture company ads that do this), you have to wow the viewer visually—with color and shape.
Unless you’re going to offer beer, I can’t understand the Oktoberfest. Beer is not an upscale drink (although currently popular), and has nothing to do with furniture. I’d rather have a glass of wine or champagne while I look at fabric. It would calm my husband down, too, while he waited.
Coupons are for groceries, drugstores, and low-end department stores. I don’t think they should be used for high-end stores. To create a sense of urgency, the ad could mention that most items ordered by October 15 are guaranteed for delivery by December 15 (or whatever is possible.) A lot of people don’t realize how long it takes to order custom furniture. Everyone wants it for the holidays.
Long-term, what the store needs is a photographer-designer team that creates a look in its ads that is unique to Oskar Huber. The wrinkled up rug, as someone else mentioned, is an unfortunate oversight.
Everyone pretty much covered it. I just can’t believe they thought it was the smart thing to do…to run this ad.
I’m guessing some ad agency fed them bulls**t and told them to make it look pretty. Totally missing the point of the ad, to make more money than it cost to run the ad.
Most of the copy is about the company. Who gives a crap. Copywriting 101 is to remember people are always thinking “what’s in it for me?”
“Only fourth generation family…providing the world’s best designed furniture” – I don’t care. And that’s their opinion. It’s not a fact. ANY company can claim they design the best furniture.
“Since 1927” – Still don’t care.
That whole first paragraph of copy is terrible. Nothing compelling about it. They wait until the last sentence to even mention the word “you.”
oskartoberfest – Give me a break. Someone trying to be cleaver. What a way to waste valuable real estate space.
Style. Luxe. Life. – Uhhhh, what?!
Ego driven ad. Not for their potential clients. It’s the classic “getting THEIR name out there instead of trying to get MY name.”
No compelling offer. As our beloved Dan Kennedy would say “it’s the offer, stupid.” Nothing about that ad makes me want to visit their store/website.
This is not a direct response ad. It’s a traffic building retail ad. However, it could benefit from some dm strategies.
Headline: Up to 20% savings* on famous Oskar Huber designer furniture!
subhead: Bring this ad to either store below before October 28 to qualify.
Legally (FTC), they can’t say Free if a purchase is required. Lose the about-us copy. Design: Scrap the reverse type. Light background, black type. Also, show more than one sofa. Pix or upscale drawings of sofa, chair, table, bed. Maybe a dotted line border or at least down left margin. (Would have to see this in layout to be sure.) Come in now to (Increase the two addresses’visibility. Kill the “style luxe life” baloney and bang up the web site with second coupon to download and bring to store.) Click quick to SAVE
at http://www.oskarhuber.com.
* with purchase over $2499(at bottom in flyspec condensed).
Hey Mike… it’s so obvious… there’s no CopyDoodles!
But seriously… there are so many great suggestions already posted, especially Tim & Flyn’s, that I’m just going to take a pile of notes.
Thanks for the first time comment George!
Gene – WOW long time, no talk! How are you doing? Still local?
Eugenia, excellent notes and insights. Thank you.
OK This is my take after some quick research. All the critiques above are spot on, especially the white font comment.
If this is to be DM, you want the prospect to do something and also you want to be able to measure it.
Main focus I have gone for is the route of list building with an opt in box.
Prehead:
Home decoraters, Are you worried about making a costly or embarrassing decorating blunder?
You don’t have the time, feeling a little overwhelmed or don’t know where to start in changing your home’s style or mood.
Headline:
Save up to $6000 per room in Free Interior Design and Decorating Consultations
Subhead:
(Yes that’s what independent consultants will charge you)
Subhead:
No Decorating woes or worries
Copy:
You can be assured you will enjoy the comfort of your home and have guests compliment you on your good taste when you invest in you home furnisihing at our stores.
That’s because, You get interior design consultations that remove your planning headaches and ensure you don’t make any ghastly or expensive decorating blunders.
These consultations are valued at $ 6000 per room by reputable contractors. But You get them for Free when you invest in your quality furnishings and accessories from our stores.
You also get free delivery of at a time of your choosing.
Subhead: An added gift for you
Increase your buying power at no extra cost until the end of October only.
Copy:
Get more value and quality with our Bonus certificates,
All you have to do spend between $499 (10% Bonus) to $2499 (20% Bonus) to receive a valuable certificate allowing
you to purchase additional items in the store.
The more you spend, the higher the value you receive.
Subhead:
And You don’t ever have to worry about buyers remorse.
Copy:
We allow you 60 Days to let your choices grow on you. If for any reason your are not happy with your new purchases
you have a full 60 Days to return any items for a full credit of the value invested.
You can use this credit towards your new choices of quality furniture at our stores Listed below.
My comments:
If you want prospects to contact you via email (build list) and track the response of this ad. Insert Addresses and location map of the stores only
Copy:
P.S. Remember to fill in the form to receive information about your valuable bonuses and free designer consultations valued at $6000.
Insert Opt in box here and Top Right Hand Side of Page
Opt In Box Copy:
Free Design Consultation Worth $6000
Free Bonus Consultation up to 20% extra value on you
Purchases.
Free Delivery at a time of your choosing.
To Find out the value of your bonuses right Now,or to make an appointment for a consultation at one of our stores.
Please fill in your email and phone number and hit the enter button.
One of our consultants will contact you within 24 hours to discuss your Wants and needs.
Or phone us at 888-888-8888 and tell the operator You would like information on the Oktoberfest bonuses and the free
Design consultations.
There will be no obligation to purchase anything whatsoever.
Have photo of target prospect with a group of friends, smiling and relaxing using the furniture and having a good time.
Fonts in Black
John – wow! Practically a consultation in this response!
Almost everything has already been mentioned so here are my four points:
1. The picture is simply overtaking the entire ad. It seems the words support the picture instead of the picture supporting the words in the ad itself. The picture should have been a lot smaller and just had a caption underneath.
2. Maybe this is because I am not their customer but I had no idea that they actually customize the furniture. I thought it was just sold as is. I have heard Oscar speak a few times at different meetings and as far as I can remember, I never heard mention the customization part of it. Maybe it’s because I’m not their customer but at the same time, if I were and ideal customer for them, they would have missed me since I am not aware of their services.
3. I will have to disagree with the point that 4 generations does not matter. To me it does if used correctly. The Hurricane Sandy story was a HUGE missed opportunity. It would have been much more effective saying something like: “here at Oskar Huber we are committed to serving you. In fact we are so committed that even Hurricane Sandy could not stop this 4th generation business from closing one of its locations after it was destroyed. After all, 4 generations of business is a long service record”….. and so on.
4. My last point may be a far stretch but if you’re spending good money on an ad, you have to think of everything. Who thought of “Oskartoberfest”? It does not fit at all. A much better fit would be:
Oskar-ber-fest
Or
Osk-tober-fest
Just saying. If something is replaces to get more attention, it should be as close as possible as well as the same flow. The “Oskartoberfest” just does not flow. Just a thought.